When You Need to Talk About What the Church Often Leaves Unsaid
A front porch conversation about abortion shame, hidden guilt, religious striving, and the healing Jesus still offers when you are tired of carrying it all alone.
A lot can be said on a front porch swing between friends. Not the polished kind of surface-level “Christian ease” pleasantries. I mean the kind where the tea is sweating in the glass, the world gets quiet for a minute, and somebody finally tells the raw truth.
That is the kind of conversation I want to have with you today.
Look, let’s be real….. There are some things we do not always hear talked about from the pulpit, but that does not mean they are not sitting in the pews.
Abortion shame is sitting there.
Hidden guilt is sitting there.
Private grief is sitting there.
Religious striving is sitting there.
Fear of being found out is sitting there.
The woman who loves Jesus but still feels disqualified is sitting there too.
And maybe that woman is you?
Could it be that you have been sitting in church for years, smiling when you are supposed to, serving when there is a need, raising your hands in worship, and doing your best to look like everything is fine, but underneath all of that, there is a place that still hurts?
Maybe it is tied to abortion. Maybe it is tied to a choice you made, a choice you almost made, or a moment you have never been able to fully talk about without feeling that knot rise up in your chest. Maybe it is tied to shame, guilt, fear, regret, or the lie that if people really knew your story, they would never look at you the same. So you keep it tucked away.
You tell yourself you are fine. You stay busy. You serve harder. You try to be a good wife, a good mom, a good Christian, a good friend, a good everything, hoping that maybe if you do enough good now, it will finally quiet what still aches from back then.
But sister, let’s just tell the truth right here on the porch…..You cannot outwork shame and you cannot serve your way into peace.
You cannot stay busy enough to heal a wound when Jesus is asking you to finally bring into the light. I know that is not exactly the kind of sentence we stitch on a throw pillow, but it is the truth. And truth is where the chain starts breaking and the prison door swings open, the question is: are you brave enough to get real with the pain and lay it before Jesus so true healing can happen?
For years, I thought if I just kept going, kept serving, kept showing up, and kept doing all the right Christian things, maybe the pain would eventually go away. Maybe God would see how hard I was trying and decide I was useful again. Maybe I could somehow make up for the places where I felt like I had failed.
Here is where you need to be careful, striving is sneaky. It can look holy on the outside while fear is still running the show on the inside. Sometimes we are not serving from freedom. Sometimes, we are serving from the desperate need to prove we are still worth loving.
Jesus did not die on the cross so you could spend the rest of your life trying to earn what He already paid for. Hear me clearly, this is not about throwing stones at the church. I love the church. I believe in the Body of Christ, the gathering, the Word, the worship, the altar, the shepherding, and the community. I also believe there are women sitting in sanctuaries every week carrying pain they have never had a safe place to say out loud. Silence does not heal shame. It feeds it!
The enemy loves to take one chapter of your life and tell you it is the whole book. He will point to one moment, one decision, one season, one trauma, one secret, and try to convince you it has the final word over your identity. He will call you dirty, disqualified, too far gone, unusable, and forgotten. The enemy is a liar, and honestly, he has been running the same tired playbook since Genesis. Shame, hiding, fear, accusation. Same trash, different outfit.
God is not confused about your story. He is not pacing Heaven trying to figure out what to do with you now. He already saw the whole thing, every hidden place, every silent tear, every moment you wished you could undo, and every prayer you were too ashamed to pray out loud. He still came for you.
That is the part that shame does not want you to believe. Shame wants you isolated, but Jesus comes close. Shame tells you to hide, but Jesus calls you by name. Shame says you ruined everything, but Jesus says He makes all things new. Shame says you are what happened, but Jesus says you are His.
There is a big difference between knowing about the grace of God and actually letting yourself receive it in the place where you feel most unworthy. A lot of women believe God forgives other people, but when it comes to their own hidden pain, they quietly live as if there is an exception clause with their name on it. Trust me, there isn’t.
The cross did not almost cover you. The blood of Jesus did not barely redeem your story. His mercy did not run out when it got to the part you are scared to talk about. He is not asking you to perform your way back home. He is inviting you to lay the weight down.
Laying it down does not mean pretending it never hurt. It does not mean minimizing grief or throwing a Bible verse over a deep wound and calling it healed because that is what good church girls are supposed to do.
Real healing is more honest than that. Real healing looks like telling Jesus the truth. It looks like letting Him into the room you have kept locked. It looks like admitting you have been carrying abortion shame, hidden guilt, fear, regret, or self-condemnation longer than you were ever meant to carry it. Then, it looks like letting Him tell you who you are.
Not who shame says you are. Not who fear says you are. Not who the enemy says you are. Not even who you have called yourself in the dark. Who He says you are. Chosen. Loved. Redeemed. Restored. Still His.
That is identity restoration. It is not behavior modification, religious performance, or learning how to look more healed while still bleeding inside. It is coming back into agreement with the truth of God after shame trained you to believe a lie.
Your purpose did not die in your past. Your calling was not erased by your pain. Your womb, your story, your voice, your life, your future, and your place in the Kingdom were not handed over to the enemy because of one chapter. The Lord still knows your name.
Maybe you feel that little pull in your heart right now, that quiet place that says, “I want to believe this is true for me, but I do not know how.” You do not have to have perfect faith to take the next step. You just need enough courage to stop pretending you are fine when you are not. Healing usually starts right there, not in the polished places, but in the honest ones. You do not have to perform here. You do not have to clean yourself up before Jesus comes near. You do not have to explain away your pain or pretend it was not heavy. You can tell the truth. You can stop hiding. You can let the Lord restore what shame tried to steal.
If this is stirring something in your heart and you are ready to stop hiding and start healing, I invite you to book a complimentary connection call. We can talk about what identity restoration and healing God’s way could look like for you.
You can stop hiding.
You can let the Lord restore what shame tried to steal.
And you can remember who you are.
Your story is not over. Not even close.
There is room on this porch for honest conversations about abortion shame, grief, hidden guilt, religious striving, intimacy with Jesus, and the kind of freedom that does not require a mask.